Saturday, October 31, 2009

Driving me MAD!!!

I cant get this song out of my head......

Hoot Hoot!

I feel this owl needs to come and live at my house...... On my bedside table.....

Although, I probably would like one of everything from here.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

That Bastard Black Dog.

I thought it might be a time to do a bit of sharing with blogworld.

With Mental Health Month drawing to a close, I have my own personal story to share about mental illness. Now more than ever, Australians are experiencing mental health issues of all varieties. Its still a little taboo to discuss, as most people who haven't experienced a mental illness themselves cannot relate to those suffering. Being unable to relate is the main cause for misunderstanding..... in my humble opinion!

As a preface to sharing this story, I would like to explain that my other half and I call my illness 'the black dog' as do many others. It makes it easier to talk about. A lot of the time in our house it is also referred to 'that bastard dog,' and other much less flattering names......

Since I was a little girl, I have been prone to worrying. Sometimes just the usual fears, like the safety of my family, monsters under the bed. You get the idea.
As I got a little older it continued into things such as worrying I was being talked about at school, or if my boss at work was in a bad mood it was because of something I had done. It didn't seem out of the norm for me. I just assumed everyones thoughts paddled around in their minds in the same way that mine did.

One morning, out of the blue, I woke up with a lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach. It was a feeling of pure dread, the kind you get when you need to break some terrible news to your best friend, or break up with a lover you know does not suspect heartbreak is approaching.

This feeling came and went for the next few months. Mostly I was able to get on with life, pushing this feeling to the back of my mind....

Several months after this, I felt myself slide into a strange abyss. It was like standing over a black hole and staring down into its depths, and all that the black hole contained was utter despair.
I couldn't sleep at night, and I couldn't stay awake during the day.
I cried a lot, but not because I was sad.
I couldn't answer my phone, or open my mail, because I was scared. Of what, I didn't know.
I couldn't get out of bed, it was just too hard a task.
I sat for hours, staring into space. Not seeing, not hearing, only feeling this terrible knot of fear.

I knew something was really wrong with me. I just didn't know what that 'thing' was.

Sitting in my doctors office trying to articulate to her what it was that was 'wrong' with me was the hardest, most terrifying thing I have ever done in my life.
Sitting there listening to her tell me exactly what was 'wrong' and this is how we can fix it was the most liberating thing I had ever heard in my life.

I have anxiety and depression.
I take medication to treat my 'black dog.' I don't talk about it with others not because I am ashamed, but because it is just so hard to put together the words to explain what I experience.
But what I can explain easily, is that I am the happiest now that I have ever been in my life.
The bastard dog pokes his little head up every now and again, but now I have the tools to piss him off.

Don't be afraid to ask for help.
It does get better.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Pondering upon the sensitive soul

I'm afraid my sensitive soul may be getting used to the call centre gig. I got sworn at and hung up on today, and it didn't really bother me. Wonder what this means.........

Saturday, October 24, 2009

My Best Girl.

My niece, Grace, is the the coolest person I've ever met.

I was so looking forward to being an aunty before she was born, but since she has actually been out-and-about in the world, having a baby niece is so much more than I expected. In a good way, of course!

I took the photo above recently when we frocked up and went for a picnic in the botanic gardens together. Grace munched on some grass (apparently quite tasty when you're 7 months old!) and waved to some dogs, and put on her sweetest baby faces for the oldies that stopped to chat with us.

Being 'Aunty Rah' is definitely the greatest job I've ever had.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

My wonky eye.

I'm doing better with the blogging already!

So I found out last week I needed glasses. After suffering through blinding headaches for a few weeks and eyelids that felt as thougha whole kids sandpit had been forced under them, it finally occured to me that, hey, maybe I need glasses.

So off I popped to the optometrist, and it turns out I have a bit 'o' long vision and an eye that focuses on a funny angle. I'm possibly the only person in the world that got very excited when informed they need glasses, and I must admit the optometrist looked at me a little strangely.

So after all that, here I am sitting with a natty little pair of red glasses perched on my face that cost the equivalent of a small Pacific island nation. And as much as I have always wanted glasses, my only complaint?

That the 'Versace' written on the arms isn't bigger.......Look if I have spent this much on my nifty new fashion statement, I want the whole world knowing about it!!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Oh dear. I've gone well with the blogging, haven't I?

Recently I have been so much more inspired to start blogging properly, after interviewing the lovely Beck from Dandelion for the next issue of Thaw, and becoming more than a little fascinated with her blog.

I'm over the whole Facebook-ing, Tweet-ing thing. I just want to write stuff, have a little rave, without sounding like a precocious tween, or it sounding like a load of bollocks.
As soon as I work out how to pretty this darn thing up, I'll do that too!

And my little rave on shall start now.....
I had a crappy day at work. Working in a call centre is not good for the soul. BUT... now I'm home, working on my next article for Thaw, sitting with a beer that the lovely other half has fetched me, listening to him potter around outside in the warm evening and having the Falcor look alikes clamouring over who gets to sit on my lap......... I remember its just a job. I do my best at work, and then I get to come home to this. I'm a lucky girl.